Creative expression through the written word

Posts tagged ‘self-discovery’

Double dipping

Double Dipping…. I am not talking about double dipping your veggies or chips in dip. Although I am sure I could make a post on that too. No today I am using the reference of double dipping in regards to the fact that for the next 90 days I have agreed to take part in the Team Heart 90 Day Live Facebook challenge and I blog. A lot of what I am doing in the 90 day Live video challenge is stuff I could just as easily write and post to my blog. 

I guess I decided to save myself some time and share across platforms as I can and maybe not have to create double the content. Cheating? Um….probably but that’s okay it won’t be word for word, just maybe theme for theme. 

So today in my live video I talked about taking action even when afraid. Now I am no expert on doing something despite my fear. I can honestly admit that yes, I have allowed fear to hold me back. I have allowed fear to make my decisions sometimes. It sucks. What’s worse is that no matter what I have told others I know the real reason I didn’t move forward, chase a dream, or take action. Living with my self after that is way worse than if I had just faced me fears head on and taken action. 

Fear can be debilitating. Paralyzingly so. You can literally have a whole body physical reaction to fear. I’m learning to not let fear stop me. I’m learning to take action despite the risk, real or imagined. I’m learning to stop the conversations in my head about doubt and unworthiness and I am learning to quit making excuses so I can stay in fear. I mean, who wants to live there anyway?

Everything I want, everything I dream about is literally on the other side of fear. I have to want those things more than I want fear in control. Believe me it’s a work in progress but at least I am consciously working on it. I’m choosing every day to take at least one step beyond my fear. 

Am I a raging success? Well, no but I can be as long as I don’t give up. As long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other. My point to all this? You can do it too. Just push yourself through the rapidly beating heart, sweaty palms, barely breathing moment and do it. You’ll live – I promise! 

 

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Looking Forward

Today is the first day of 2017 and I find myself wondering what this New Year will bring to me and my family. A lot can happen to a person in 365 days. Heck, a lot can happen to a person in 24 hours.

Looking forward is an interesting concept – it requires one be fully present in the now to have a clear grasp on what can come in the future. It’s a part of being aware of your desires and dreams but not missing the here and now. It’s about clear focus. It can be so easy to get lost in the future and lose track of the now. It’s a life skill that not many people pay attention to. They just go about their business and then get surprised when things they want either don’t show up or even more surprising to some – they do.

So for this first day in January I am flexing my looking forward muscle and honing the skill in the hopes that every day will bring me closer to the dreams of my heart. I am looking forward to seeing what moments are going to make up this year. What snippets of time, laughter and memories are going to be the hallmark of 2017.  I think I am most looking forward to this journey of self-discovery I have put myself on. I have no idea what is to come, what revelations these series of questions will bring me but I fully intend to enjoy the journey.

 

Women, Food & God

Book Review of Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth
My Rating: 4 out of 5 stars
First, I must tell you this was a book I received through the free book giveaway on http://www.goodreads.com . I didn’t even know I had won it but one day, there it was in the mail. A very good friend joined a women’s discussion group and they read through this book, a chapter a week, and worked through the stuff that came up for them as they read this book. I was intrigued by what my friend’s experience was and I eagerly dived in.

The book is written in a fun and engaging style that makes it easy to read. However, I must admit that I found myself constantly stopping and telling people around to…”Listen to this” as I re-read them passages from the book. I would pick up the phone and call my mother just to discuss a page Geneen had written. I’ve even gone so far as to insist that all the women in my family buy a copy so we can read and discuss it together similar to they way my above mentioned friend went through it.

This book is a velvet hammer wrapped in humor. It’s an emotional roller coaster ride that takes you from laughter, to no-holds barred hits to the foundation of your belief systems and then back to humor before a quick turn through tears and back to humor again. I strongly recommend this book for every woman who has ever felt unhappy and dissatisfied with their body, dieted or played the on again/off again game with their weight.

It is a discovery of self that is eye opening to say the least. Read it and then tell me what your experience was. I really want to know.

Mining for Me

I wasn’t the typical teenage girl, if the typical teenage girl was all about clothes, hair and makeup. In high school I wasn’t allowed to do anything to my hair, per my mother’s dictates. I was taught to wear makeup but the instruction was always “keep it light”, which I took for non-existant. None of my friends in high school seemed to be into “all that stuff” either.

It wasn’t until I was in my late twenties that I developed a friendship with someone who knew how to do her hair (in multiple ways) and knew how to wear her makeup (perfectly) and knew more about fashion and what made her body look its best than anyone I had ever met. Becoming her friend was like being given a pass into a world I never realized I had been missing. It was the beginning of an interesting journey.

By my mid-thirties I thought I knew how to dress myself. Thought I had learned how to wear my hair. Thought I had discovered what makeup looked good on me. I was comfortable with who I was and felt confident with the woman I was. Then I got this job, in an office full of women that “were women” and gloried in their femininity. I was on the next step of my journey to me and didn’t even really know it.

Over the course of five years around those women I learned things like the importance of a pedicure, the amazing results of pampering myself, the joys of facials, massages, buying jewelry, playing with makeup and yes, even what growing my hair out and learning how to use a flat-iron could do for my self-esteem. I looked back at who I was before that and I thouht…”wow – you thought you knew so much and really knew nothing.”

Today, as I look back on the difference between who I am today and who I was two years ago when I thought that, I am amazed at how much I have actually changed since then. The thing was, I didn’t realize how much I had been changing until one day when my husband took me shopping to get a few new pieces of clothing.

My husband had always been able to buy me anything…from purses to accessories to clothing and it would always be something I loved. It was a surprise to both of us that everything he picked out for me got responses like: ‘Oh, that is okay.”, “mmm…I don’t really think so.”, “yeah, its cute but not really what I am looking for”, etc., etc. It boiled to a  head when he, rather frustrated, put a top back on the rack and snapped, “I don’t even know you any more!” The sales attendant standing close by started laughing and responded to him, “Few men will admit that out loud to their wives but it’s a wise man that is willing to learn.”

I’ve been pondering that thought over the last few months and realized that, indeed, my husband no longer knew what my tastes were, what colors I was drawn too, what type of jewelry I prefered, what style of shoes I adored, and why I was never satisfied with just any purse. How could I expect him to know me when I was still unearthing the real me…the 40 something me that was truly comfortable in my own skin.

In September 2010, I was gifted with a make over and to say that it changed my life would be an understatement. Away went the long, straight hair to welcome in a semi-short, sassy hairdo that was sleek, styling, flirty and sexy – all in one.The color changed from dark brown to a deep, rich red. I was actually taught the basics of hair care and the art of applying makeup so that it enhances and looks natural.  Then I paid to work with a fashion consultant/personal shopper and discovered I actually have a style. One that makes me feel good about myself even if I need to lose weight.

I look in the mirror today and I know that who I am right now is someone I am truly happy with. This journey of self-discovery has taken almost 20 years but in the mining of me I have discovered a lot about myself and even though I expect to keep learning I am truly happy with the face in the mirror. I know lots of women who would benefit from admitting they lack self-confidence in the personal style arena and I hope that I am a walking, breathing billboard for the value of facing their fears and internal inadequacies to “sit at the feet of the masters” and humbly learn a thing or two.

It’s never too late to find yourself.

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