Creative expression through the written word

Archive for August, 2016

I’d Rather Be

I’d rather be a could be

If I could not be an are

For a could be is a maybe

With a chance of reaching par

 I’d rather be a has been

Then a might of have been by far

For a might have been has never been

But a has was once an are

This poem was something I used in my goodbye speech when I gave up the title of Miss Blaine. Its amazing to me that 31 years later this quickly memorized poem still impacts my life. I find myself quoting it at the most random times, often just in my head where no one can hear. I will be facing some challenge or some task and the words just seem to float inside my head. Like a little reminder that I have the choice in each moment on what path I will walk.

I can choose to take action or I can choose to always be a maybe and never quite getting to the goal. A few years ago (like 7), I started watching how often I would say something like “I’ve always wanted to do (fill in the blank).” For a solid year I had this hyper-awareness of how often I was saying it. I decided every time those words popped out of my mouth that I would really look at what I was saying. The truth is, if I wanted to do something I would figure out a way to do it. I always have. All the rest was simply verbal vomit. Do I really want to go bungee jumping? Love the idea but in reality – hell no. No jumping off perfectly safe bridges for me.

That year was very enlightening to me. I learned a lot about myself. That hyper-awareness allowed me to quit saying things that I didn’t really mean and I took action on a lot of things that I had been saying “I always wanted to do” because there was simply no reason not to do them if I wanted to. It was kind of like my own bucket list for the year.

I don’t honestly ever expect to outgrow the above poem. I don’t think we ever outgrow words of wisdom – no matter how simple the words. We just continue to find new meaning in them and continue to grow. So maybe those simple words will help someone else and maybe in another 30 years I can look back on my life and say with certainty that I am a Has Been that was once an Are!

Weekend Relaxing

I’ve heard people say that sitting at a desk working on a computer all day “isn’t real work”. (I would love to have them do my job for a day.) To them work is only work if it involves physical labor. If that is the case someone needs to tell my tired brain that at the end of a work day. I gotta tell you…at the end of a long work day I often feel like my mental processes are ready to take a back seat. Often I just want to veg out and not really think about anything, like what to cook for dinner or household chores that need done. That’s what weekends are for right?

On the flip side, my husband works a very physical, hard labor job and when he comes home he is exhausted. His body often aches and it’s all he can do to keep his eyes open. (Or, worse…he’s suffering from insomnia and can’t sleep no matter how tired he is). He often spends Saturday sleeping off and on all day to try and catch up on his sleep leaving Sunday’s as our only real day together where we are both feeling at our optimal. 

It kind of sucks.

It definitely makes it hard to stay focused on each other. So….even though my hubby is curled up on the couch sleeping….I’m curled up close to him reading, writing, watching movies and simply enjoying his presence next to me. I guess in its is way this is a truly relaxing weekend. Would I rather be out doing something enjoying the sunshine? Yes, but I wouldn’t give up this time with him for anything. 

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