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Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

An Exercise in Self-Discovery

I want to tell you a story. A story about self-discovery. Probably 15 years ago I met a woman who challenged me to be a better person in so many ways. For several years before she passed away she fulfilled the role of spiritual guru for me and I count my life blessed beyond measure to have known her. 

So many significant exchanges happened between us but the one I want to share happened when my close group of women friends first met her and we spent a girls weekend in a hotel room immersing ourselves in spiritual conversation.  Through the course of conversation, I’m not really even sure what brought it about but, lets call her grammie greywolf, decided I needed to own myself.

She asked me to stand in front of the group and say, “I Am Trina. I am strong, wise and powerful and I Am the best Trina I can be.” Sounds simple enough, right? Only I couldn’t do it. Sure I could stand there in front of those women I loved and who I knew loved me back but I simply couldn’t make those words come out of my mouth. 

There is so much power behind those words: I AM. She was asking me to make a statement of self-claiming. She was asking me to own up to my own power and to lay claim to being the best I could be. Not just once but as a whole- forever and I simply couldn’t do it. 

I stood there crying. Wanting to say the words and be done but my heart and mind were not in alignment with the physical act of speaking. We all knew I had to come into alignment with those words on every level first. She stood in front of me, he’s my eyes with her own, her hand resting over my heart and I felt her love for me as a human being, as a spiritual sister flow into me. 

In a whisper the words slowly came out. That wasn’t good enough. She had me repeat that statement over and over, louder and louder until there was power behind my words. Truth reverberating in the simple words for everyone present to hear. 

That moment set me on a personal journey to claim who I truly am. To walk in my personal power and to really try to be the best version of myself that I can be. It set me on a journey of self-discovery For which I have been forever grateful. 

Maybe you don’t have a grammie greywolf that can create a space for openness and healing and stand in front of you patiently until you reach your a-ha moment but you can do this for yourself. Stand in front of a mirror, look into your own eyes and make your own I Am statements. 

Don’t stop until you actually feel and hear the power in your words, until you see the shift of confidence come over your body. 

When you do this, every morning if necessary, you will find that you start to express that truth in the world. You start to learn how to be the best version of yourself and believe me, the world will be a better place for it. 

Try it. You can only grow from it. Aren’t you with it?

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Get over yourself 


This more true than people want to admit. No one wants to think about when they are gone but the reality is no one is getting out of this alive. 

Pictures, video, voicemail….these things that capture the essence of a person are the treasured memories of those that come after us. The reminders that we existed, that we mattered and that we left an imprint on someone and something in his world. 

Get over yourself and your self-judgment and simply be there, be present, and shoot the video, take the picture, leave the loving voicemails….we are not guaranteed even one more minute of life. Don’t leave a blank space, a void, where proof of your love can exist.  

When you are gone, your loved ones will treasure the memories and that’s way more important than whether or not you had your makeup on or were overweight. Trust me on this one. 

When it’s love

Some of the best words of advice I ever received from my dad about love is this: Do not look for love in the grand gestures. Those are fleeting and occasional. Instead, look for love in the million little things that show someone cares about you.”

His words taught me from the beginning of my marriage to look for expressions of love in the small actions. I have focused on those and always found love, even when we were struggling or going through a rough patch. 

I’m not saying I never got or don’t appreciate those grand gestures; I do. I just don’t expect them in order to feel loved. I don’t think my husband isn’t thinking about me because he didn’t bring me home flowers. I don’t worry that he doesn’t feel as in love with me because he hasn’t treated me to dinner in a couple weeks. I don’t think our passion is fading because I didn’t get jewelry for Christmas. 

Those are all fabulous things but real love is when my husband gets up early and takes a kid to work so I can sleep in, it’s starting my car in the middle of winter so it’s warm when I get in it. It’s cleaning up after I make dinner or washing our laundry so I don’t have to. It’s a million little actions everyday. 

Here is my sweetheart, painting my toenails today, not because he had to but because he wanted to pamper me: 

Such a simple little action that means nothing to anyone else but meant the world to me. These little acts of caring that make my heart melt. 

Are you looking for love from your significant other in grand gestures or are you aware of the little acts of love that transpire around you every day? Are you grateful for those acts of love? Do you thank them and express love back to them in kind? 

 

Can you say No?

Silly question – I know but indulge me a bit.  Truthfully now, can you say no?

A lot of people struggle with saying no. They don’t want to disappoint people so they agree to things and then later they are eaten up with anger, guilt and remorse. Worse yet, they over-promise and under-deliver. Then the very thing they were afraid of, disappointing or letting people down is exactly what happens.

Saying no, even when it a reasonable request can make you feel guilty and like a bad person but in truth saying no can be a healthy life decision. So how do you learn to say no? Well, you start by realizing that you can’t say yes to everything because then you end up saying no to yourself.

Get over the idea that you are being selfish by protecting your own time. You aren’t going to lose someone’s respect because you are honoring your own boundaries. You’re saying “yes” to spending more quality time with your friends, loved ones, and family. You’re saying “yes” to maintaining your sanity because we all know how insane we can get by saying yes too much.

You’re saying “yes” to living a more relaxed, evenly-paced life that is centered around the things that having meaning for you and not killing yourself to do things for someone else. You’re saying “yes” to having a reasonable workload instead of burying yourself in hours of extra work because you simply couldn’t say no.

You may want to ask yourself why you are having trouble saying no. There is probably a lesson about yourself or your relationships in the answer. The more you ask yourself why you feel you can’t say no the more you will learn about yourself and those you surround yourself with.

All that being said, I firmly believe that you should say yes if feel that the task is  manageable, within your responsibility to do, or even when you owe someone a favor. Just be wise in what you say yes to and feel free to say no. It can be life changing.

 

Married to a Ninja

You are probably asking yourself if I am being serious right now. Here’s the thing, my hubby has the knack of disappearing and reappearing so when it happens the kids and I call it “him being a ninja”. 

What are we talking about? How does someone disappear and reappear? We haven’t figured that out. Here’s an example: 

Hubby goes through the door from the house into the garage (this is a door clearly visible by the kitchen, dining room and living room). A few minutes I go out to the garage to ask him something and he’s not in the garage. I come in the house and he’s coming out of our bedroom. No one saw him leave the garage and come in the house. 

Now I could understand if it was just me but everyone in the house not seeing him? Everyone has experienced this with him which is how he got the ninja nickname. He of course thinks we are all crazy. 

This is just one of those weird things that make you go hmmm. Anyone else experience “ninja stealth” moments in their life? Just curious. 

The power of reciprocity 

rec·i·proc·i·ty (noun)

the practice of exchanging things with others for mutual benefit, especially privileges granted by one country or organization to another.

I did a live Facebook video the other day and I talked about reciprocity. I had been “triggered” by a question from someone in my industry and I found myself allowing that frustration to boil to the top and be verbalized. 

So here is the basis of my frustration- when you support people, their businesses etcetera and do not get supported in return it can make you feel very frustrated. Especially when you’ve been supporting some of these people for years. You begin to question “why you are unworthy of their support”. 

However, I want to get off that soapbox and speak to the concept of reciprocity. Going off the definition above reciprocity is an exchange that is mutually beneficial. I firmly believe that there is enough for all of us in this world to have all that we need so I get rather frustrated over “greediness”. So, the idea of supporting each other, referring each other for our special skills makes sense to me. 

If you’ve been ready my blog you know that  I think we all have special skills and talents.  I think those things are our gift to the world and if I support you in those things I am, on a grander sense, supporting the wholeness of the world. If I am greedy, thinking that just because I can learn how to do carpentry that I should do it over allowing someone who is a master craftsman at carpentry do the job then I am blocking both my growth and success and theirs. 

It doesn’t hurt to exchange services with others in a mutually beneficial situation, to support those around us, and take enjoyment in watching our family, friends, and neighbors succeed. It actually makes us better people. It makes them better people. 

I may not always receive reciprocity for the faith, support and loyalty I give out but I’m not going to let that stop me. How we move through this life is up to each one of us individually. You make your choice. For me, I am opening my heart and mind to others, willingly giving and hoping that they will reciprocate. 

Average of Five

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” A mathematical way to work that out is to take the income of your five closest friends and then divide by 5. It usually comes out to or close to your yearly income. The theory is that if you want to increase your wealth start to move in a circle of people that challenge you to “rise” to their level. 

On the flip side of that, if you aren’t strong in who you are and where you are going, your friends have he ability to “lower” you to their level even if you are the biggest earner in the group. All in all it’s a conversation about these theee things:

  1. Don’t let who you associate with being you down to their level. 
  2. Are you content being the average of your friends?
  3. If you want to grow and increase then find a group of mentors who are living   In the lifestyle and financial bracket you desire and spend the majority of your time with them. 

That doesn’t mean if you are on welfare and barely making ends meet that you try and hang out with Richard Branson. There are a lot of steps between where you are and where you want to be. 

I didn’t believe this theory when I first heard it it I did the math and it was almost spot on. I also have checked when my finances are ebbing to see who I am spending time with, and yes, it was proven again. I’ve surrounded myslelf with people I would class as doing better than me and realized that they motivate me to be better, do better, stretch and grow. 

It’s an interesting concept to ponder. Try it out and see what you think. You might be surprised by what experience in the process. 

Happy discovery!

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