Believe it or not….. I am a relatively private person. I know – SHOCKER! The reality is that most of the people that I call friends would tell you that I don’t really talk about the deep, private stuff. I will totally be there for you in that regard but I don’t really share that side of myself with people. There are very few – less than 5 who I have let into the inner circle.
The thing is, I was never that way before. I think the change happened in me when a very dear friend, a best friend….. you know, the one that is THE friend. The one who knows your deepest, darkest secrets. Knows you better then you even know yourself sometimes. Well this friend, believed that I said something to someone in their life causing a very hurtful and devastating emotional situation in their life to erupt. I don’t want to go into the whole story but the truth is – I would NEVER do what I was being accused of to anyone let alone someone I had loved so deeply.
I was devastated and it felt for years like I was emotionally destroyed. I couldn’t understand how someone who supposedly “knew me better than anyone else” was so totally blind to my character, integrity and honesty. I literally drowned in pain realizing I had shared my most intimate emotional self with someone and they never really saw me. I lived with heartbreak for years and when new relationships were presented to me I became leery and reserved.
Its been sixteen years and I still have a hard time crossing the boundary of friends to inner circle friends. Thus the reason there are so few who really know anything deep about me. So today I was thinking about what makes a friend and this is what I have come up with…. mind you it is totally my perspective. You can do with it what you will:
- Honesty – I need to know that the person I am dealing with is an honest person and that I can be honest with them without fear of fallout.
- Integrity – As unfair as it may seem they have to prove their have integrity to me before I can even think about opening myself up to them. I don’t actually test them but I am observing and I pay attention to how they handle their own life situations.
- Laughter – I can take things pretty serious, especially about myself, so I need someone who can make me laugh. If you can make me laugh about myself – all the better.
- Dependable – I need someone who I can count on. Really. I need them to show up when they say they will, call when they say the will, do something when they say they will. I need to know I can depend on them – bottom line!
- Adventurous – I tend to be a stay in the comfort of my home and become a hermit type of person. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love a good adventure. Actually I crave them which is why I need someone to encourage me to be more adventurous.
- Level-headed – I am not one of those people that can deal with eternal drama. I need the people closest to me to be level headed and even keeled. Keep the drama away. I can deal with drama when I need to but it isn’t what I want in my closest relationships.
These are the things I look for in a friend and before you ask, yes, I expect to give all these things in return. Friendship is a two way street after all. I have found over the years that friendships are what has kept me sane in event he most stressful situations. I value them. Take care of your friends, honor them and protect them and let the friends that appear to bfriends but aren’t really go. You will thank yourself later.
So today is my birthday and funny as it sounds I am far from home on a road trip with one of my girlfriends. We spent the day exploring the area of Montana we are currently in.
I have had no cell service or internet all day but when I have had sporadic connection I have been flooded with well wishes from friends and family and my heart is overwhelmed with the love that has been poured out my way.
It is a reminder to me that I have a very blessed life and that I know some truly amazing people. I may be turning 48 but I don’t care. I have lived a good life and I am blessed to be loved by so many people.
So today, I have looked in the mirror and wishes myself a happy birthday and a blessed year and then I acknowledged how wonderful my life really is.
Thank you to everyone who is a part of my life journey and happy 48th birthday to me.
I am absolutely positive that my life would not be what it is or where it is if it wasn’t for my friends. Don’t get me wrong. I feel the same way about my family and my upbringing but friends are the foundation of my life. So the question becomes, how do you make a friend?
I’m sure everyone has their own opinion on how to make friends with people. I am sure there are just as many people who wish they could make friends easily. I believe that we are naturally gifted with an inner awareness of others, call it a sixth sense if you will. I “feel” people way before I move toward friendships. I know when someone feels “Right” or “Off”. The older I have gotten the more I trust that instinct. I don’t force friendships with people who feel “off” to me. If anything, I steer clear or at the least keep them at a distance.
It may not be the answer that people are looking for in how to make friends but it works for me. Once my intuition says, “go” then I often spend time looking for ways I connect with someone. Do we have similar interests? Similar spiritual viewpoints? Do we love the same kinds of food or beverages? Can we laugh together? Laughter and a great sense of humor is the biggest connector point I look for. Then I just listen to them. Really listen. People want to talk about themselves and if you are willing to listen you can learn a lot.
It’s not foolproof but as I said before, it works for me. How do you make friends?
How do you help your friends? For those that I call friend I would do anything to help them if it was within my power to do so. I’ve helped people move, I’ve opened my home for people to live in, I’ve given them food from my own cupboards, I’ve given them late night rides without asking questions. I have loaned money when I didn’t really have it to give. I’ve cooked friends meals, cleaned their house, run errands for them and the list goes on and on.
However, the best thing I can do for a friend now is tell them about something absolutely amazing! It’s called Protandim and it is a patented product from Life Vantage. It’s called “the little yellow pill” and it is a scientific breakthrough. It reduces oxidative stress by an average of 40% in 30 days!!!!
We all know oxidative stress is bad but did you know that oxidative stress is linked to hundreds of diseases? Did you know that by reducing your oxidative stress you can help your body function at its best and help it heal itself?
Check out this video to learn more: ABC News Report
Watch the video. It only takes a few minutes of your time and aren’t YOU worth that?
If you are as fascinated as I was then after watching the video click on the top bar that says ‘research’ and you will discover tons of scientific data! The FAQ sheet is there too! If you find it’s as awesome as I have, let me know I’ll show you how to order some! I’ve been taking it for 6 months and it is pretty AMAZING!!
This evening I got an email that left me crying and laughing and thanking God for the women he has brought into my life and the many blessings and lessons they have taught me as I journey on this path. As the email came to a close and tears streamed down my face I found myself instinctively reaching for my celtic cross necklace. I almost never take it off and I find my fingers stray to it often.
It is a talisman when I am upset or afraid, it is a conduit for peace when I am nervous or anxious. It is a keeper of my laughter, the holder of my dreams. It is a symbol of my faith in God and it reminds me constantly of the three wonderful women who gave it to me. It is a bittersweet reminder of a time when so much change had not affected all of our lives.
Did you know that silver, which the necklace is made from, is the highest electrical conduit of all the elements? As I learn more and more about our bodies energetic fields I am coming to understand that this necklace really truly helps me funnel that energy into whatever means is necessary in the moment. This necklace helps me tune into God, to the healing energies within and then extend that out into my world.
It is with my full gratitude for such an amazing gift that I write this note. Thank you so much for the gift that has turned into so much more than a simple piece of jewelry. Thank you, thank you,thank you. Although I don’t think I can actually express correctly what this means to me and what it means to have received it from all of you, I hope this gives you a glimpse into my heart.
Thank you for the many blessings of this one gift to me from your hearts. I love you all!
I was at a business networking event this evening. The event was for Biznik and hosted by a very good friend of mine. After the event ended I got a brief chance to talk to my friend and as we talked I told him that I have started blogging. He asked me for the link to my blog…”unless it was private”. I told him it was a public blog as I pretty much had nothing to hide. He laughed and said, “Yeah, you are like me. Your life is an open book for all to see.” I laughed and said my goodbyes but those words seemed to haunt me as I walked to my car and drove home.
He saw my life as an open book? I was truly flattered that he could look at me and see a person who was completely open, honest and real. The truth is I don’t see myself that way at all. I feel like there are so many ways I struggle to not hide within myself. I can be totally honest and tell you that for all I do “teach or share” with people, there is a very private part of my life that I don’t share with anyone except perhaps my spouse.
I have another friend who says I “get a look.” She calls it my “secret look”. She says I get this smile and this look in my eye that makes me look like I know a huge secret and am taking pleasure in keeping it from everyone else. What is the big secret? Well I feel like my big secret is that I am a very secretive person in truth. I don’t share those deep dark mysteries of my soul with anyone and I can count only two people in my lifetime outside of my spouse that I have ever shared that part of myself with.
One of those people I shared willingly with and was devastatingly betrayed for the effort. The other was not intentional sharing. Have you ever met someone that you simply can’t hide from? A person you know really sees who you are at a soul level? I have and that person scared the crap out of me and they still do. They have never abused that power and I rely on them for guidance when I need it but to know that no matter what you do, no matter what you say they can see to the heart of you right through any layers of disguise is both frightening and exhilarating.
So his words bring to mind the feeling of truly being an open book to someone else and the potential devastation that can come or the absolute freedom it can bring. Do I really want to be an open book? Well, to some extent I guess I do but in my heart of hearts I cringe in fear. What if people can really see me and think that I am nothing but a fraud? Nothing but a shadow of what they thought I was? Am I really who I present myself to be or is that just another disguise allowing me to hide from my true self?
Amazing really how quickly a random comment can send me whirling into a philosophical debate with myself.
It must be something in the air but I find myself going down memory lane this week. A few days back I wrote a blog about a long lost friend because she was so on my mind it seemed the only way to chase away the memories. Three days ago a good friend randomly called me up and asked to meet me after work for a drink so we could catch up. It had been a few weeks and I was completely amazed at the drama she unfolded as we drank sugar-free redbull, vodka and cranberries.
Yesterday on my hour drive home from work it was partially sunny and I had Sirius’ Hair Nation channel playing. Motley Crue came on and suddenly I was remembering my old boyfriend from high school. (Matt) Hearing that music brought back so many memories of times we hung out together, places we went and things we did. In case you didn’t put two and two together he was a HUGE Motley Crue fan. Today I emailed him through Facebook and told him how grateful I was for all those memories and how glad I was that we are still friends.
Then on MySpace a few minutes ago I touched base with another friend from high school and realized how long its been since we got together to laugh over the stories of our past. We do have a few crazy stories that only we appreciate like county wide scavenger hunts, sneakin in to bars when we were 16, the night of the “Hubbard” and so many more.
Then there is the whole entire entourage of friends from my time in Denver. What a crazy group of people I have attracted into my life. We used to joke around that we were so crazy that only we would love each other. I miss those firends more than I ever thought I would when I moved back home. Thank God for the advancement of technology and all the online social media ways to keep in touch. I feel like I am connected to all of my firends even if I don’t get to be at the wild parties and fun nights anymore.
Last night I got a phone call on my cell phone from someone very special to me. I didn’t recognize the number and was dissapointed that I hadn’t answered it when I heard the voice mail message and discovered it was “Grammie Meg”, the woman I consider my spitirual guru. Again, hearing her voice after almost a year of not being in touch was like a blast from the past and warmed my heart. What I’ve come to realize is that even though I miss the friends of my past and don’t get to see them or spend a lot of time with them the fact is that I am truly blessed to have so many wonderful, amazing and truly dear friends in my life.