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Posts tagged ‘loss’

When grief comes

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Tomorrow is the memorial of a good friend and as it draws closer the sadder I become. Pete LoGrande was an incredibly good hearted man. You know, the kind of man that meets you and welcomes you into his “family” with open arms. Like my husband he would help you out at the drop of a hat and he would take care of you any way he could.

He took a lot of joy in being a father and a grandfather and I know he loved his wife dearly. He was a business man and entrepreneur and he always had ideas germinating away of other ventures he could do. He made me laugh and towards the end of his life he made me worried. I checked in with him just about every day, encouraging him to take it easy and to stress less.

When I got the news that he had passed all I could think about was his lovely wife Vickie. To be faced with loss is one thing. To be faced with the loss of your life partner shakes the very foundation of your world. Everything changes and a new normality must begin.

I’ve learned from the loss of some very dear people to me that grief comes in waves. You never “get over” the loss , the pain becomes less of a sharp pain and more like a low level throb that continues but you can live with. Eventually the waves of grief quit pounding you into the ground and become gentle ebbs against the shore of your life as memories wash over you. Eventually those memories quit causing pain and instead bring you joy.

The thing about grief is this: No one can tell you how to move through it and no one can deal with it for you.

From a supporters perspective: There isn’t really anything you can say to someone who is grieving that is going to make it better. You can love them, hug them, listen, and let them know you will be there when they need you.

So to the LoGrande family – our family is saddened by your loss and we love you all and we are here for you if you need anything.

And Pete – Your life was a blessing, Your memory a treasure, You are loved beyond words and will be missed beyond measure. We will see you on the other side of the stars.

 

Always learning

Today has been a jumble of emotions but through it all, I have learned a lot. My day started with a phone call from a friend’s wife. Her husband, our friend, passed away last night and she wanted us to know tight away. We’ve been working closely with him all through the past year. It was an emotional blow and I felt myself sinking into heartbreak and sadness. Tears flowing I had to ask myself how on Earth I was going to pull it together enough to enjoy the rest of my vacation that I had just started. Thank God for friends who keep me distracted. 

The thing is that today I have learned or maybe reminded might be a better way of saying it, that some things are more important than others. 

  1. Life passes and you absolutely do not know when your time is up so live each day fully. Don’t put off things.
  2. Laughter heals a broken heart. Maybe not fully but as the heart always aches for the losses you experience in life but it does heal the heart and allow you to keep moving on.
  3. Surrounding yourself with nature when you are grieving or sad reminds you that all of nature is connected and we are all part of this circle. It also reminds you that you are part of something much bigger than you. It also brings peace and tranquility to the soul. 

In some ways it was a day that reminded me to be fully present with what is and to spend time in gratitude that although loss is part of the journey, so is love and connection.

She’s on my mind today….

She’s on my mind today. The one who I shared the depths of my soul with. Her, the one that I thought would be there forever. The one who was most beloved and now on a good day would be considered a friend. Most of the time she is more of an aquaintance and on the worst of days she is naught but a stranger. We are thousands of miles away from each other and yet there are days, like today, that I feel as if she is right here beside me and no matter the distance between us the memories of closeness wrap around me like a second skin. Memories of golden skin that turns to warm caramel in the heat of the sun, rich brown hair with golden streaks that curl to her shoulder.  I can see her engaging smile that enticed people to feel comfortable and at ease with her. I can hear her laughter and see those beautiful eyes light with her mirth. Sheis tall and svelte, curvy in all the places that made men drawn to her like bees to honey. She, the one who I opened up the most private core of my soul to and found that she saw the real me, the truth of who I am as a person and called me friend anyway. Her,that I put on a pedestal and believed that she would never hurt me or betray our friendship. She that I absolute faith in. I feel her presence with me today as surely as if she was standing here in front of me. I miss her, my one time best friend, my soul sister and confidante. Unforeseen circumstances eroded our friendship from the very foundation. I found myself staring into the eyes of a stranger. A stranger that I used to know so well. I fought for purchase on the crumbling grounds of what I believed to be real only to discover that it was all an illusion. She was not who I thought her to be and she  believed things of me that could not believed if she had really seen me and understood the core of who I was…she had deceived me and now six years later I still miss her. I still wait in the hopes that some day I will look upon the face that I loved so deeply and see the light of recognition again in those eyes. Someday I will reconnect with her, my beloved friend, and know peace of heart and mind and soul again. She is on my mind today.

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