Today I attended the first half of a two-day training on Non-Violent Communication. So, you may be wondering what exactly Non-Violent communication is. I knew very little about it myself when we started. Well, simply defined it is the ability to create a quality of connection with yourself and others through compassionate listening and speaking so as to understand everyone’s needs and so that everyone’s needs are equally valued. That’s a big mouthful to say, that it is communicating in a way that shows I care as much about your needs as I do about my own. (or at least that is my layman definition) Anyway, I really learned a lot today. There were several quotes and key points I took away from the training. I have pages of notes and a few “ah-ha” moments that I get to ponder for two weeks until the next training day. There are so many things that I could share with you but I think the thought that has settled into my mind for deep consideration is this: “We all come into this world with two basic needs. Unconditional love and unconditional acceptance.” – Cat Zavis
Isn’t it amazing that everything can boil down to those two things? Everything we say, do, think, feel, experience and create is an attempt to bring us one or the other of these things. Even the negative expression of these actions is an attempt to bring us these two things. It is unconditional love and acceptance that we yearn for in the deepest part of our soul and we will do anything to get it. This isn’t a conscious thought behind our behaviors. It’s just a subconscious motivator, a filter if you will, that we live our life by. If you can look at everyone you come in contact with through the eyes if understanding that they are looking for unconditional love and acceptance even if their behavior doesn’t appear to show that, it completely changes how you see people. It changes how you will interact in the world.
Since the new adventure of writing has been my topic of late I did a little bit of internal investigation on how this thought tied into my recent decision to work on my writing and blogging. Once I applied the light of our two basic needs to the fear of me writing for the public it became crystal clear. I desperately want unconditional love and acceptance and I am afraid that the “Trina” the world will see through my writing won’t receive those two things. It is the core of the fear that has been holding me back. One of the tools you learn in Non-Violent communication is empathy – to self and to others. Now that I recognize the core of the fear I can give myself empathy and slowly erase the fear. It’s a step of faith, just like walking into the writer’s group the other day. Only this time the step of faith is into myself. It is a step of faith that I can love myself and accept myself in the role of writer. So I ask you….where in your life are you challenged to love yourself unconditionally and with unconditional acceptance? Are you brave enough to have empathy for yourself and see where it takes you?
If you are then this quote is for you: “Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I will meet you there.” – Rumi, the Sufi Poet